Two years, one month, and one day ago, a little ewokian
creature wandered into my life. He had
been wandering awhile, out in the world, and finally a kind neighbor, thinking
he should wander no more, took him and tried to find him a home. He asked
around and around for someone to take the little guy in, and finally I, having
been toying with the idea of adopting a dog already, replied that maybe I would
take the little dude. He spent that weekend with my boss and her partner, as I
was off gallivanting somewhere as usual.
When I walked into the office Monday morning, I met the little guy.
Having seen pictures of him already, and knowing immediately who he looked
like, I had a name all picked out. I went up to this shaggy little furball,
quiet and staring, and asked if he would like to come live with me. The poor guy had bounced around so much the
questions probably had no meaning for him.
I told him if he would, in fact, like to come live with me, I would call
him Wicket. I told him my name was Mac
and that I would like to be his friend and that I would take care of him. In his characteristic Wicket way he appeared
completely indifferent to me and my question.
After spending the day together at the office, and making a quick trip
to the nearby vet to get the little guy and his papers in order, Kearney—tante Kearney,
as he would come to know her—took Wicki (as I would come to refer to him) and I
to the pet store for provisions. Dishes
and food, a leash and collar, a dog bed and toy—all the essentials. Then tante Kearney took us home. He explored a bit as Kear and I watched,
probably wondering what the purpose of this, yet another new place, was. We set up his dishes and tried to get him to
eat, but in his (what we would discover to be) usual stubbornness, he
refused. He just kept walking around
smelling things. Kear cleared out and I
was left alone with my little creature.
We looked at each other, each trying to figure the other out. I put his little dog bed next to mine, and
that night, after watching me climb into my bed as I chatted at him, explaining
his new life to him, Wicket climbed into his little bed and continued staring
at me. It would be the only night he
would spend in his little bed. The very
next night, he jumped onto mine at bedtime, apparently now comfortable enough
to exert his will over Whipple House and his person. He curled up at the foot of the bed and
promptly fell asleep.
The next few days were a blur of adjustment issues as the
ewok and I settled into our new life together.
There were many late arrivals to work, as I spent mornings trying to get
him comfortable at home; a fair amount (read: a lot) of anxiety (on both our
parts) and one set of completely destroyed window blinds—chewed up the
middle. That’s how I learned that one of
Wicket’s favorite pastimes was staring out the window—and he wasn’t going to
let anything get in his way of that.
I wasn’t sure, at first, in those early few days, that this
was going to work. Maybe I shouldn’t
have a dog—I’m gone a lot. Also, this
particular dog eats window treatments. And scratched doorframes trying to
burrow out of the apartment to follow me when I leave. And we don’t connect. We don’t seem to understand each other. He is unimpressed with me. Blah, blah, blah. These were the concerns I expressed to
friends and family in the beginning.
Then one day, as I was expressing this pessimism to a friend, she
replied by saying “Yeah, maybe you should get rid of him.” “What? Are you
crazy? Get rid of my dog? How could you even suggest such a thing?” was
my internal reply. And I realized how ridiculous
I was. I knew, I understood what was happening.
I went home that evening to an anxious little dude having committed the
usual amount of destruction, and I didn’t mind.
I put his leash on him, grabbed a bag, and took him out for his evening
walk. And when he leaped up onto my bed
that night, I pulled him up towards me and told him I was glad he was here.
That I liked having him with me and that I was happy to be his forever family.
He wandered back down to the foot of the bed the moment I released him from the
hug I was giving him, but still, he gave me that moment.
From there, it was more walks, more bedtime snuggles, and slightly
less destruction. There were bike rides
together—I hadn’t known it was possible to make bike rides more joyful until I
started biking with Wicki. There were lazy days spent lounging around at home,
which I think were his favorite. He came
with me everywhere I could bring him—work, friends’ houses, family visits,
street fairs, even one piano lesson.
Wicki became my best little furball friend. My favorite little companion, my family. Over the course of two years and one month I
fell hopelessly in love with my little grumblebucket. I was as excited to come home to him every day
(that wasn’t already with me) as he was to see me coming up the stairs,
returning to him. For all my hollow
threats of beating him senseless or selling him to the circus (neither of which
he ever for a moment believed or heeded, and rightly so) I actually grew more
fond of him by the minute. He made me indescribably
happy even when he was driving me nuts. My
first thoughts were always of him—every social engagement, work scheduling puzzle,
day of errand-running, was figured
around allowing myself ample time to spend with my dog. He did so hate being alone, I always wanted
to be with him as much as possible.
One of my favorite days ever was a little over a year ago
when I came home from work and got my usual ecstatic greeting from the little
furball—and then found that he had learned to play. After jumping up and down around me for a few
minutes, he raced (and watching him run and slide through my apartment was
endlessly amusing) into the bedroom to his little pile of then, mostly
untouched, toys—and grabbed one. He
raced back to me with it, dropped it in front of me, and stared at me, curly
little tail wagging. I tossed it across
the kitchen, he ran for it, and it was his first fetch. He never graduated past three fetches, but he
did keep playing. He had a few favorite
toys, which he would bat around and chase after, or lay and munch on; I loved
watching him play with them.
He was the best biking companion I’ve ever had. Clad in his little red racing jacket, wrapped
up in blankets, or covered in a makeshift doggie poncho, weather depending,
he almost always sat calmly and well-behaved
in his little crate. Other travelers—bikers and drivers alike—loved seeing him
looking out from his milk crate, examining the world we were pedaling past,
enjoying the ride, wind in his face, ‘mom’ pedaling away, re-tucking his blankets
at red lights and patting his head.
I think though, for him, nothing compared to lazy days at
home. What to me were great annoyances—migraines
and tension headaches—were to him, jackpot wins. They meant Saturdays in bed with movies all
day. They meant mom not going
anywhere. He would spend all day
snoozing next to me, getting up only to walk a circle and rearrange himself
into a little ball. His company, too,
helped ease the pain in my stupid head; knowing I had my little companion with
me was a comfort that far exceeded what one would think possible a little 15
pound meatloaf to be capable of providing.
I like to think that this past week plus, from a few days
before Christmas to the day after New Year’s was a good one for him because we
got to spend so much time together. Over
a solid week of time together at home and time together out in the world. I hope I’m right that he had a lot of happy
moments in there, and enjoyed spending so much time with me; I know I loved
getting so much time with him.
Two days ago—two years and one day short of one month after
he wandered into my life, my beloved little Wicki wandered out. I couldn’t bring him to work with me that day
because the weather was so bad. So I left
him at home, sitting in the middle of my bed, light and radio on for him, as
always. I petted him and explained why
he couldn’t come with me that day, and said I was sorry I couldn’t bring him
with me. I told him I loved him and that
I would be home after work, and I would see him then. I told him to be good. I think I called to him again as I was
leaving, that I loved him. I hope I did,
I usually did. It was a normal day at
work, I left a little early to grab dinner with friends, and afterwards we
decided to continue hanging out at my place, since I had to get home to see to
the little dude. I was so excited to
bring more friends home to him, and after so much time together until then I
really missed him that day. I bounded up
the stairs and called for him as I walked in the door. Usually he was at the door already jumping up
and down to greet me. He didn’t come
when I called him—sometimes he was so engrossed staring out the window he zoned
out and I would have to walk up to him to get his attention. I walked into my room calling his name. I saw him from the doorway, lying in his
little bed, tucked underneath the desk like a little cave. I could tell from where I stood. I walked up to him and knelt down. I laid my hand on his little leg and nudged
him. "Wicki?”
I shouted for Gene and tried to understand what had
happened. Good luck to me with that.
With Gene and Pete keeping my company, and making sure the
whiskey kept pouring, I, as always, called my dad to my rescue. Periodically, while waiting for him to come
and collect us, I walked back into my room to say something to Wicki. “I love
you.” “I’m so sorry.” “You are my favorite little guy.”
Yesterday, he was buried in one of his favorite spots, with
his racing jacket and few favorite toys.
I am staring at the spot under the desk where his bed is supposed to
be. I am staring at the foot of my bed
where he is supposed to be. I am rapidly
depleting the world’s Kleenex supply. I
am fighting the urge to go back and dig him up and hug him and refuse to ever
let go, as if that would bring back the Wicki I know and love. I am wondering why I only got two years and
one month with him, while trying to remind myself that those two years and one
month were wonderful and happy and I was lucky to have them. I need to be grateful for them, and I
am. But I’m also heartbroken. I feel so alone without my little ewok
friend. I feel so sad I wasn’t here with
him when he went; I wish so much that I had been.
Wicki, I love you so much. Everyone keeps telling me that I probably
gave you the best two years of your life, I hope so. I know you gave me two of the best of
mine. I am sorry for every time I yelled
at you, even though I know you didn’t take it seriously anyway. I am sorry for every time I had to leave you
alone, I never wanted to. I hope you
know you were always one my mind when I wasn’t with you, and that I was always
excited and happy to come back to you. I
hope you know that I meant it every time I said I was glad I found you and that
you were my favorite little guy. I hope wherever
you are now, you have good company. I
hope you get to munch on leftover turkey and walk as slowly as you want,
stopping to smell every tree and fence you encounter for as long as you want. I hope the shades are up at the window you
stare out from. I hope you know how much
I loved you when you were here, and how much I still love you now. Thank you for coming to live with me. Thank
you for every grumble, every snuggle, every laugh, every moment of comfort you
ever gave me. Thank you spending the last two years with me. It wasn’t enough,
but no amount of time would have been. I
am grateful for the time we had together.
I will miss you for the rest of my life, I will love you forever. You are my favorite little guy.